The Writer

You know,

I suffer from the inability to express my deeper musings without a metaphor...actually I am not always aware of my own feelings until I find some metaphor our outside idea as a translation.

This strange part of my life, the step between being a college student, and being an independent adult has been a strange one for me...

Mostly in the fact that I have been very calm about it!

Disclaimer: by "Calm" I mean calm for me. I am a person who is, generally, overflowing with emotions. My calm is the equivalent of many people's excited...so keep that in mind.

For some reason, this transition has involved practically no tears, few stressed out rants, and very little stress eating, shopping or sleeping.

For a while, this really suprised me...

That is until I watched "Bones" this week.

Ok...disclaimer again: I often connect my life to TV shows. I don't know why, but I absolutely love fictional drama and could be defined as an obsessive fan of a few. In this case: "Bones"

Not to give anything away: but this season finale had an expected (or mostly unexpected) ending. It was the kind of unexpected that left poor, innocent viewers in complete bewilderment as to what the next episodes will look like. They could either be awesome, or horrible...either way: it will be different!

After frantically discussing the plot with some friends on facebook, and nerdily reading a blog or four about it...I sat back and wondered why I cared so much.

It is just a TV show! but...

it is one that I like, a lot, and the writers of that show could literally do anything they want to it.

They could (any may) make some terrible decisions, and a story that I have enjoyed could end badly...that would make me sad and it is a future that is outside of my control.

It dawned on me that, right now, I am more stressed out about a TV show's future than my own.

This could be for one of two reasons:

1) I am in denial, and cannot bring myself to process what is actually happening

or

2) (and I hope this is it) I actually trust the author of my life. He doesn't make bad decision. Actually, he makes us for a lot of mine. He knows the next season of my life, and is not wondering what it will look like. He already knows and he is already there. So, I am left in a position of not knowing what the my next episode will look like, but I do not have to dread it. I already know that it is good.

In between...

Dear People (my people)

I hope that you know how deeply I value each and every one of you.

At this moment, I am thinking in particular of that delightful group of women that I have shared my life with over the past few years. That wonderful, sleep-deprived, goofy, and stressed out group of college students. I hope that you, my dear friends, know how much I have valued being in your presence. Even in the midst of greesy DC food, piles of unfinished homework, and all nighters, you always brought a sense of joy into my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now, as I leave my world of shower caddies, easy mac and Blackboard, I am increasingly convinced that we must remain connected. Our lives were beautifully interwoven my a creative God, and I am convinced that he intended for this connection to be eternal. I believe that he delighted in each of our silly conversations, in all of our inside jokes, and in our desperate attempts to love one one another in spite of our living together. I believe that he enjoys our community as much as we do.

As I move into another community, my hope is that the best of our community will go with me. That our friendships will blend into the new connections and destinations of life. That somehow, our connection will bless new communities that we may never know about.

So...people, you will be hearing from me again soon, because I love you, I feel radically blessed to have you in my life.

God bless you...I will be praying for you

~Becky

OCD Much?

Ok...I think I have a problem.

So, in the past two months I have sent in a lot of job applications.
(By a lot I mean something like 27).

What you should know about these applications is that there evil.

By evil I mean this...

I am applying for ministry positions which means that these applications want to know about my personality, relationship with Christ, leadership experience, manegment style, opinion about the use of rubber ducks, philosophy of fruit salad and favorite color to paint my toe nails.

What I am saying is that these suckers take a lot of time to write.

They also do this cool trick where they ask you INSANE questions that philosophers have been working on for the past 2000 years or so and they say "Please answer this in 200 words or less"

My thought here...
"Cool, I could do that...if I were a wizard with the ability to magically cut words in half!"

So...anyway, I have spent much of my recent life working on paperwork.

I have also gotten lots of exercise running back and forth to the post office with awkward looking piles of matching white envelope (which cost at least $1 to send...it adds up)

So...here's my issue,
On Monday of this week...I was falling asleep, and then I realized that I had checked my email a minimum of 30 times that day...and probably a whole lot more.

I have also checked my snail mail at least 3.

That's when I realized that I should probably chill out, take a deep breath, and refrain from touching my computer...unless strictly necessary.

Because this OCD email thing...not healthy!

1 Samuel 24-27

"The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness and faithfulness." ~1 Samuel 26:23

I really have a thing for simple verses--for big ideas that can be captured in very few words. I think the phrase above in one such verse.

This a quote from David which he said just after risking his life by choosing not to kill king Saul.

At this point, Saul had made David's life into a living nightmare. He had driven David into hiding for month--he had tried to kill him multiple times, AND he killed dozens of people simply because someone that they were related to had helped David. Despite all of this, David chose not to kill Saul.

After Saul discovered that David had spared his life, he apologized to David and they have a conversation...

towards the end of that conversation

that phrase comes in...

The LORD rewards everyone for their righteousness and faithfulness.

I believe that David is expressing the idea that he had to be righteous and he had to be faithful--it did not matter what Saul had done. David knew what he had to do--and that was all that mattered.

I think that David sets up a good standard for all of us. We need to decide what God wants us to be, and we have to be that no matter what happens.
We have to know that he will reward us for being faithful.

1 Samuel 20-23 -Totally Off Topic--well mostly

Alrighty, so right now I am learning a lot.

I am in a class that completely focuses on being a better Christian in the contemporary world...and I am reading Reaching Out by Henri Nouwan!

So my mind is blown a lot at this point....

So tonight, I am going to simply list the things that God has been teaching me...

1. Every person on this planet is lonely, so no, you're not weird!
2. One cannot take care of people if that loneliness dominates their actions. It has to be replaced with a sense of solitude in order for a person to be an effective minister.
3. I am always in a hurry---even when I do not need to be...I should really slow down!
4. Christians need to be much greater listeners than speakers!
5. Christians should be more interested in listening than becoming offended so that they can freely enter into relationships!
6. People Need People

More too come!

1 Samuel 17-19 Question

Tonight I am simply going to post a question...

If you have an answer to it, please post it in the comments.

In these chapters (and some in the previous ones), the Bible talks about Saul having "An evil spirit from the Lord"

What in the world does that mean...?

This seems particularly odd because of James 1:13

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;

Any Ideas?

1 Samuel 14-16 "Stay Small"

Hello...sorry, I wasn't feeling good last night, so my blog time turned into sleep time :)

I hope that all of you are enjoying your Januaries, if you are not--I would challenge you to spend some time looking for things to rejoice in...I hate the cold, and I hate snow, so I have spent the past few weeks asking God to allow me to find joy in those things.

I have been shocked by the contentment that I have been given in those things.

Ask me about it sometime.

In terms of Bible Reading tonight, I spent a lot of time reading about the demise of Saul. It really is a sad story, that isn't so unfamiliar as we would like.

Basically, God chose a humble man who had the ability, but not the desire to be king.

God gave him success after success and he blessed him...until somewhere Saul got cocky.

Just before the judge, Samuel, tells Saul that God has rejected him, he uses a phrase that should haunt most of us...

“Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel. And he sent you on a mission, saying, ‘Go and completely destroy those wicked people, the Amalekites; wage war against them until you have wiped them out.’ Why did you not obey the LORD?

~Chapter 15

The part that catches my attention is at the beginning--it is the phrase "although, you were once small in your own eyes... Meaning that Saul was humble when he began his rule.

The rest of the speech implies that Saul no longer sees himself as small--he sees himself through prideful eyes.

When Saul ceased to see himself as small, his life began to fall apart. As Saul's pride grew, his ability to be a good king grew smaller.

Saul stands as a challenge for all of us to see ourselves as small--to know that we are but one minuscule life that lives and breaths by the grace of God.

Anything that we are, we are because of him!

We are small, we had best remember that.

1 Samuel 11-13 "Sin of Omission'

Fact of the Night: It is a sin for leaders not to pray for the people that they serve...

When addressing the Israelites in 1 Samuel chapter 12, Samuel adds...

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.

Holy cow!

This makes it clear that praying for one another is not a good idea, it is something that God wants us to do...it is a sin not to pray for other people!

That is a thought that should sit with you for a while...

1 Samuel 8-10 "Like the Other Nations"

Ok...so we are firmly into the Old Testament here.

Israel is living in the promised land (finally), God has brought them to a point of peace after eons of being slaves, being homeless in the wilderness and then being warriors intent on clearing out their homeland.

God has brought them through trial after trial...

He has given them a great track record for victories, and Israel should have everything that it could possibly want!

Unfortunately...they want something else, a king.

Why do they want one...

"So that they can be like the other nations"

This is amazing to me, because Israel says this after seeing God defeat king after kingdom. They should have had sufficient proof that God's set up for them was good...but they wanted to be like all of the other kingdoms...they wanted to be like the nations that they were defeating.

This sounds ridiculous, but we do the same thing.
So many of the things that we want are shown to us by people that we do not want to be like. So many trends are set by people that we do not want to follow.

When we decide that we need something, we must ask ourselves if the person who showed it to us, is someone that we should want to be like.

1 Samuel 4-7 Thus Far...

Tonight, I came across the passage that inspired this blog...

1 Samuel 7:12...

That passage initiates the idea of an Ebenezer.

The original Ebenezer was a rock that Samuel set up after God had delivered them from the

Philistines. It was the kind of victory that had been completely unexpected. It was the kind of victory that took its meaning away from the fact that God had rescued them after they had cried out to him.

That victory was something that Samuel did not want Israel to forget...hence the Ebenezer. It was a reminder that God helped Israel.

In Future days...and future battles, that rock would remind them that God had helped before and that he could help them again.

After first learning of this passage, I felt the need to practice the Art of recording the movements of God in my life--I want to celebrate the victories that he gives to me so that I will have confidence in him next time that I face fear or doubt.

So...this blog is the place where I can do that...

I look at my own life--and the movements (and teachings) of God within it, and I examine the lives of people within history and within the Bible and celebrate their victories as well!

Thus far the Lord has Helped ME!

This is My Conviction

Tonight...I am not writing about any specific passage of the Bible

Rather, I am sharing something that God has been teaching me though his word, his voice and though the voice of people who learned it before me.

I am Convinced...

That God is deeply present in the heart of every Christian...that he literally lives within the flesh and soul of his adopted child

I believe that he is constantly present with the child--comforting, teaching and directing.

He speaks to that child in numerous ways--and he uniquely reveals himself to them.

As we spent time in solitude it is our duty to get in tough with the God who lives inside of us.

It is our duty to acknowledge his presence, and to seek more of it. It is our duty to take advantage of every resource possible in gaining greater knowledge of him.

Some of our greatest resources are the other Christians in our lives...

Just as we uniquely know God--they have their own relationship with him--a vantage point from which they may see some aspects of his character with greater clarity than we currently posses.

When we interact with other believers, we should be so honored by the chance to interact with the presence of God that lives in another being that we are slow to speak because, God Forbid, that we might miss the opportunity to better know God by seeing him through another's prospective.

Too often...

We tune God out...

We contently fill our minds with everything but him. Our minds are constantly looking to be entertained rather than captivated by someone bigger than we might ever fathom the ability to comprend.

Imagine: We actually trade the chance to focus on the king of the universe for programmed television--for a few minutes of sedated mind.

Imagine: We are so quick to speak and so slow to listen that we never really near the other believers in our lives---we rarely take advantage of the opportunity to know Jesus better by seeing him though someone else's eyes.

1 Samuel 1-3 Begging Works!

Our Character of the Night is...

Hannah

Here is the bio on Hannah...

She was a God loving chica who was adored by her husband. This is good!

AND she was unable to have kids and was shamed by this. This is not good.

Christians often struggle with the issue of finding the balance between "Accepting God's will for their lives" and Praying for a change.

I, personally, can make a case for both options there....and it is hard to know which one is right for different chapters of my life.

Hannah, was firmly in the camp of "Pray Until Something Happens"

She constantly begged God for a baby. She begged with so much urgency that she looked drunk.

Eventually...she went beyond praying, and she made a covenant with God.

She agreed to give her son back to God, if only he would give her a baby.

God agreed...Samuel (His name means asked of God) was born!

I think that there are two things to take away from this story the first being the fact that God really did care about Hannah's happiness. He really did take her desires into consideration...and he did not seem angry at her for asking for the thing that she badly wanted.

The second (and more important) is this: Hannah could not have what she wanted until she was willing to literally give her desire back to God. She had to want God to be served more than she wanted to be a mother.

She had to give up her desire before it could be fulfilled.

Ruth 1-4 The Big Picture

I think that you should know that I just spilled fish food all over my laptop!

That is probably the down side of typing, lying in bed and feeding my fish (Bubble and Squeek) at the same time.

Now my keys smell like dead, shredded, dehydrated and artificially colored fish (fish food) !

Just another moment in my life.

At the same time, I am currently finding myself lost in a beautiful sense of joy that only comes from cleaning my dorm room (despite appearances one of my favorite activities) and then reading my favorite book of the Bible...Ruth!

My reason for loving this book so much is probably the simple fact that it is easy to relate to.

The story's main character is a young women who had lost her husband...which is a lot easier to comprehend than a 1,000 year old man--or a long haired hulk like judge.

I also like the fact that this book shows the significance of fairly insignificant actions.

No battles are fought here...there are no "significant" miracles....and no one is aware that their actions could have eternal meaning.

It is about people who seek to live their relatively simple lives well--without ever realizing that they would be remembered...or that they would become the ancestors of Christ.

My very favorite thing about this book is the fact that it shows God's ability to use painful chapters to create a joyful story.

The entire beginning of this book is filled with bad events....

Famine, infertility, death, death, death...

I am sure that Ruth and Naomi felt very disappointed. No one expects a life that will leave them homeless and crying over the graves of one's family.

ENTER GOD...

In the midst of that brokenness, God begun to put a plan in motion that would, eventually, kill death forever....

That would re-unite God and men

and

That would give Ruth and Naomi a new family... a future...and Joy!

Matthew 26-28 The End

Tonight I read through the story of Jesus' death and resurrection.

Something that struck me differently this time was the question of why the Apostle Matthew wrote so little about the time that Jesus spent on earth after the resurrection.

Matthew writes 26 chapters about Jesus' pre-crucifixion life and he literally includes only one quote from Jesus after he was raised.

The quote was this....

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

I spent some time thinking about it...and I thought of a possible reason. The last thin that Jesus said before he died was "It is finished," We do not know exactly what he meant by this--he could have been referring to death, or sin, or his life (Or all of the above) and he could have been referring to his mission on earth. After his death, his work was done.

Maybe his only post-resurrection mission was to turn his job over to the disciples-to make sure that they were really aware of the mission that he had assigned them (and us) to.

Maybe he said little, because he wanted his followers to know that it is now their job to do the talking!

Matthew 25 Whatever You Did...

Over Christmas Break I read a book called "Encouragement" by Larry Crabb.

That book details that fact that each and every person must live in the balance of being a broken person in a broken world with real, personal needs while having the ability to meet the needs and to defeat the fears of others.

At every moment, I have the option of trying to meet my own needs or of trying to fill the gap in someone else's life.

There is something ironic about the fact that I cannot encourage myself--but I can encourage someone else.

Also somewhat mind blowing is the fact that a person who is only looking to gain from a relationship will never really be filled.

People cannot, really be satisfied with anything less than a genuine love and encouragement that is given by another person.

Unfortunately this is a little known truth. Basically all of us live our lives trying to satisfy our own needs without any real success.

Imagine if all of us were to stop trying to satisfy our own emptiness.

What if we stopped trying to encourage ourselves--and tried to encourage others...

Then we might actually create Christian community...

Then we might actually find ourselves satisfied in our relationships...

It has to be about giving...

If you take a minute to read the end of Matthew 25--you will find another reason to enter into relationships for the sake of giving rather than receiving.

EVERYTHING that we pour out into other people, we are pouring into God.

Matthew 22-24 "This is it"

The entire law (like 8 long books of the Old Testament come down to this...

`Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

It certainly takes less time to read, but these sentences take those long list of rules and expand them to every second of our lives.

God wants ALL of our love to be his.

And he wants us to love his favorite thing on this planet...

His children!

Matthew 19-21 "Nope, it's not fair."

I am sure that any other oldest children who might be reading this will understand my pain.

Parents are so much easier on the younger kids!!!

When I was younger, I badly wanted to get my ears pierced...it was a big deal, I begged my parents for years....but the deal was that I had to wait until I was twelve years old, and I had to prove that i was responsible enough to handle it! Well...I was shocked when my parents gave in and let me get them pierced when I was 11!

My little sister came along and got hers pierced when she was 7!

What the heck?!

Seriously...there are many other examples of this! Oldest children around the planet can testify to this! They get later curfus, higher allowances and fewer rules!

I never understood this growing up...and I am sure that I am not alone in this.

It just didn't seem fair!

Matthew 6 has a parable about this....

Here's the gist...

Farmer needs to hire some workers...

He goes into the city early in the morning and asks people to work for him, he offers to pay them a reasonable wage.

He goes back into the city later that morning (when all of the non-morning people had emerged) and asks them to work as well

Same thing at noon

And in the afternoon

The day comes to an end and the farmer pays all of the man the same amount. It is a very fair wage for the men who worked all day and it was generous for everyone else.

NO...this is not fair! But the farmer asks this question of the men who worked all day "Are you envious because I am generous?"

What is so hard for me to wrap my mind around is the idea that the things that are given to other people have zero effect on the things that were given to me. We need to look at the lives and gifts that God has given to us without comparing them to the things that he gave to people around us.

Just like our parents, he has the right to do things differently for different children.

No, that's not fair, but it is right!

Matthew 16-18 "Freely You Were Forgiven, Freely Forgive"

Right now, I am back at school...and I am so very happy to be back in my own bed!

I am trying to stay focused despite being very comfortable!

Here's the thought!

Two days ago I was impressed by Jesus' statement "Freely you have received, freely give" Matthew 10:7

He took this thought even farther tonight in his parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18). He expanded the thought and applied it to the giving of forgiveness. He reminds us that God will not forgive us if we are not willing to forgive other people.

God offers us a massive pardon that cost him his very life, and in return, he asks us to let go of the things that we hold against others.

He asks us to forgive the human failings of the other people in our lives...and he offers us forgiveness causing the death of his son.

This shouldn't be a hard choice...but it can be next to impossible. It is so hard to let go of such small things! I know that I am very good at staying angry for things that shouldn't have upset me in the first place! People can be SO STINKING DIFFICULT!

That's where we have to remember that God was willing to forgive us for our stupidity...so we might as well follow suit!

Matthew 13-15 It's Supposed to Be Hard!

Sometimes finding the energy to actually sit down and read the Bible is nearly impossible--add to that the fact that it rarely makes a lot of sense. We go though long days with a lot to think about and then we put in our standard five minutes of Bible reading only to be faced with stories with names that we cannot pronounce and meanings that we cannot begin to understand.

Fact: I believe that God intended this process to be difficult. It is not something that we should give partial attention to-it needs intense focus with a dollop of prayer...because this is supposed to require God's help.

People often think that Jesus spoke in parables so that "everyone could understand him" because he was an "excellent communicator!"

Lies!

Jesus spoke in parables so that people wouldn't understand him!

He himself says...

This is why I speak to them in parables:

“Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

Matthew 13:13

Jesus did not want people to understand him unless God were reveling the meanings and depths of his words to them! His stories required thought, and a willingness to ask questions of God--and a willingness to wait for an answer.

I believe that this same idea applies to much of the Bible. It is not a book that will make sense if we take it casually--we have to ask God to revel it to us in the hope that our eyes just might be opened.

If you take this lightly, it might not take you anywhere at all!

Matthew 10-12 Here's Your New TShirt!

A few years ago, the WWJD? slogan was plastered on everything that could possibly be purchased in your local Christian Book store. It was kind of ridiculous--I remember thinking that my life was pretty much amazing when my dad gave me his rainbow striped WWJD? bracelet--it was the coolest fashion accessory that a nine year old could have!

Christians really like their slogans, the task of doing this thing called Christian life is just a little bit easier when we have a slogan--or a battle cry! For years WWJD? was that... admittedly, we took it too far but it served its purpose. It was a simple phrase that captured the truth that serving God is something that affects every decision we make.

I think that I found another one.

This one was actually written by Jesus.

Freely you have received; freely give.

Matthew 12:7

This phrase comes towards the beginning of speech where Jesus tells disciples what their first missionary trip should look like. He tells them to perform miracles-to heal, and to spread the words of Jesus.

This phrase, basically, serves as the thesis statement for the first part of the speech. As the disciples served people- Jesus wanted them to use the memory of everything that they had received from God as the motivation-as the standard for their service to others.

Truth-we will never be able to out give God.

He has given us everything good that we have. He never asked us for any kind of payment for any of it!

That needs to be the standard that we have for serving other people. If we haven't given them as much as God gave to us--we probably aren't done giving yet.

Matthew 6-9 Don't Worry!

I have officially found my 2011 theme passage!

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

AMEN and Goodnight!